How should I be a mother

A Merlot bottle in one hand—
A baby in another
With wine I seek to comprehend:
How should I be a mother?

I didn’t study for this job
Have no qualification
And yet one day this fatty blob
Squirmed out in elation

A smoke to calm the poor child
Seems like a good idea
A puzzle game left it beguiled—
I bought it from IKEA

What make-up do all babies use?
Do they like leek or radish?
I’d ask my toddler what it’d choose
But I fear it speaks Spanish

And when they grow up—oh my god!
They end up like their parent
I guess that since I am so odd
My failure is inherent

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This work was requested on Fiverr.
Don’t even think about ordering your own poem there.

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Workaholic

I choose not to work
When I’m not feeling well
That sounds like a nice perk
But there are downsides as well
I only end up resting
When I’m not feeling fine
And even if the job’s not interesting
I do it in my spare time

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Best job

Getting paid for nothing
That’s my kind of job
No hurry, no rushing
No heartthrob

Did I forget to mention
Zero responsibility
No worry, no tension
No ability

Day after day just sitting
Like Stanley in his room
No stopping, no quitting
No kaboom

Years since my heart stopped beating
My skeleton did carry on
No movement, no meeting
Nothing wrong

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