How should I be a mother

A Merlot bottle in one hand—
A baby in another
With wine I seek to comprehend:
How should I be a mother?

I didn’t study for this job
Have no qualification
And yet one day this fatty blob
Squirmed out in elation

A smoke to calm the poor child
Seems like a good idea
A puzzle game left it beguiled—
I bought it from IKEA

What make-up do all babies use?
Do they like leek or radish?
I’d ask my toddler what it’d choose
But I fear it speaks Spanish

And when they grow up—oh my god!
They end up like their parent
I guess that since I am so odd
My failure is inherent

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This work was requested on Fiverr.
Don’t even think about ordering your own poem there.

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Cliffhanger

I finally realised why poems are so boring
There’s an essential piece that’s missing!
It’s present everywhere nowadays
In news, in series, in plays
In presentations and in adverts
In game reviews compiled by nerds
In magazines and in books as well
In stories that your parents tell
In songs for children and in songs for dogs
In diner menus and in captains’ logs;
Without it, the puzzle’s not complete!
Without it, poems can’t compete!
To miss this stuff out’s just a massive clanger
For we are talking here about a …

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To be continued…

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